By day, I work at a church. I do a lot of girly projects, since part of my job is to assist the Director of Women's Ministries. My week is filled with butterfly graphics, swirly Photoshop brushes, feminine fonts, and the notion that all women enjoy cooking and tea parties and the color pink.

By night, I am a wannabe tough girl. I watch action movies and gritty television shows. I hold up my Nerf gun and wonder what it would be like to hold a real gun. I practice my grimace in the mirror, training my eyes to pierce through the very souls of my enemies.

But somehow, in the end, I am only effective in being a bitch when it comes to correcting the spelling and grammar of those who chat with me on AIM. I believe this is what the internet would call an "epic fail."

Today, my brother and I were watching Season Five of 24. Sean Astin plays a fairly prominent role in the season, which means I naturally need to punctuate every other sentence with "Mr. Frodo" and reference Lord of the Rings scenes every five minutes. (Truthfully, I do a lot of that anyway.) Sean's character has a sister who is a junkie / drunkard / anorexic loser, and after a particularly tragic family moment between the two of them, my brother paused the show.

Adam: Thank you for not being a junkie of a sister.
Me: Umm, you're welcome.
Me: Thank you for not being a junkie of a brother?
Adam: No prob. Or a fat hobbit.
Me: That too.
Me: Well actually . . .
Me: If you were Sean Astin, you would most likely know the whereabouts of Elijah Wood right now, which is information I would like to have. It would be very valuable "intel" to me.

And at that point, my brother rolled his eyes and remembered that I'm a pretty annoying sister even without any drug addictions.

I'm a bit of a failure when it comes to showing up on time, eating healthful foods, keeping plants alive, remembering movie quotes, doing laundry on a regular basis, calling people back, or being a bad-ass. Thankfully, I make up for it by being really good at spelling words, learning (and teaching!) calculus, befriending kittens, finding the perfect font, batting my eyelashes, cracking my back, and making lists.