Good news. This year's BlogHer conference is going to be held on Navy Pier in Chicago. Travel costs? Five bucks for a train ticket.

Bad news. Every two years, my mom's side of the family gets together in Tennessee near my grandparents' house for a reunion. This year, my family will be out of state exactly when the conferences start.

Good news. Oh wait, I'm an illiterate idiot! We're coming back the day before the conferences begin! (zomg!!) It looks like I might actually get a chance to personally drool on some of the world's funniest, sweetest, and best bloggers after all! Aiiee!!

Pardon me whilst I go jump on my bed for a while. And eat ice cream. And practice drooling.

Dear Internal Organs,

I know we share a love of Dr. House and his team. His wit, their charm, the knowledge that most of his patients walk out of the hospital alive and cured at the end of each episode . . .

The thing is, no matter how much bitching you do right now, Dr. House is not going to be able to come to the rescue. Stop with the pain, the nausea, and all the other fun symptoms you've thrown my way over the past few days and focus on burning fat or something useful. I'd rather be hunting down Elijah Wood than waiting for you to get us hospitalized in the vain hope that we'll get Dr. House's autograph while the show is still on the air.

Yours truly,
Rachelskirts

One day, I'm going to wake up to realize that all my teeth really have fallen out.